Paddy and George...

Paddy and George go to the cattle market and buy two pigs.
When they arrive home, Paddy says to George

"Eer' George, how do we know which pig's mine, and which pig's yours?"
George: "Shit... I dunno"
Paddy: "I tell you what, if I cut the ear off of my pig, we'll know mine is the one with one ear and yours is the one with two!"
George:"Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!"

The next morning, Paddy and George come down and notice, both pigs only have one ear. Paddy's pig got jealous of the other one having both ears, so he chew it off.

George: "Fuck paddy, what now!?"
Paddy: "I tell you what, I'll cut the OTHER ear off my pig, then, my pig will be the one with NO ears!"
George: "Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!"

So, after cutting off the pigs other ear, they go to the shop. When they get back, both pigs have no ears. Again, Paddy's pig grew jealous and chewed off the other's ear.

George: "Fuck sake Paddy, would you look at that, both pigs have no feckin' ears!"
Paddy: "Right... I tell you what, if I cut off my pigs tail, my pig will be the one with no ears and no tail!"
George: "Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!"

So, after cutting of the pigs tail, Paddy and George go to the pub. When they returned, you would never have guessed, the pig grew jealous and chewed the other's tail off.

George: "Fuckin' 'ell Paddy! Look now, both have no ears or tail, should we cut one of your pigs legs off? That way your pig will have no ears, tail or leg!"

Paddy: "No, I tell you what George, you have the pink one, and I'll have the fucking black one!"